Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
