Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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