At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
two words...techno handjob
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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