i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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