Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
