WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You've changed since you got that strap on
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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