this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
