then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
