she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
