And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
