I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
