I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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