How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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