after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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