We're like a lot better than the average bears
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
