i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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