We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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