i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
