I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
