What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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