So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
