I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
