I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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