part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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