Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
