i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
