I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
