I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
