just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
