Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
