Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
