Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
