Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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