It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
