I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
