Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
