oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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