Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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