Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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