Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
