I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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