i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
