why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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