I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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