I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
