I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
