you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
