"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
