She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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