my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
zippers are such a cool invention
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize