Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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