Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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