Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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