The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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