I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
