I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
