I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
