why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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