ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
