my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
