you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize