dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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