I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
