I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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