how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
