So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
