made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
