I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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