She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
