Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
