No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
